YES!

crusty edger boi - w4m - 18 (guadalupe)

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Date: 2011-04-26, 2:27AM CDT
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you were sitting there with your guitar on the drag...singing songs of runaway tales (get me the fuck out of cedar park)
the way the sun radiated off your black flag face tat excited me beyond belief
your mohawk and piss stained cargo shorts told me everything i needed to know about you
i knew at the very moment i needed your Henry Rollins attitude involved in my life in some way
my grandparents pay my rent but dont worry they dont live with me
you and your chihuahua mutt mix are welcome at my killer ass pad anytime
half shaved heads are kinda my thing ;]
fuck sometime? 

• Location: guadalupe
• it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 2346604677

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Ummm...

Gee, I wonder why she's still single? (and you though that I was picky!)

Found this post on an online dating site:

My self-summary
 PLEASE NOTE:There are several qualifications you must pass before being considered a potential interest of mine.
#1. You must be a NATIVE TEXAN. I am a 6th generation Texan with family roots and history deep in the state. I am also a direct descendant of one of the original Texas Rangers. To me, you are not worth being a part of my intimate life unless we share the same depth of devotion and love for our state. Besides my love for the Divine, Texas was my first love. I want a man that has this same depth of devotion in his heart.
#2. You must be conscious of what you consume and its effects on your mind and body. I will not put up with a man that thinks its ok to eat fast food, processed foods and unclean food. I don’t eat these things because they are very polluting both to your body and consciousness. If you are toxic then on a subtle level it causes me to become toxic. Alcohol, smoking and any drugs are also a disqualifier. If you are addicted to prescription drugs I will find out and you will be dropped from my life.
#3. You must live an honorable and clean life. I am highly vigilant and I expect the man in my life to be also. You have to show a high degree of responsibility in all aspects of your life. You cannot have any overdue bills, late payments and an attitude that paying bills isn’t a priority . You have to be on top of all areas of your life- that means no accounts on your credit report that have gone to collection. If you have anything that has gone to collection and are not making arrangements to pay it off then don’t write to me. That is a red flag for me. I don’t have any negative accounts on my credit report and I expect the same from you. You must have a stable work history, have maintained a residence for at least 5 years, have a flawless driving record. I have a flawless driving record and I expect the same from the man in my life. Your arrest record will also be a factor. If you own a weapon it must be registered and you must have your license. It shows RESPONSIBILITY to have it registered and have your license. You must also know how to properly use it. I know how to handle a gun safely and I expect the man in my life to know it also. If you have children you have to be a REAL father to them. They are equally your responsibility. If you can’t be a real father how are you going to be capable of truly loving me?
#4. You must have your own personal connection to God. It doesn’t matter what your spiritual path is. What is important is you knowing in your heart that the most important thing in life is your connection to THAT. That is priority above everything in life.

What I’m doing with my life 
I've been involved in Eastern spiritual practices from almost 20 years, devoted to my master, and my beloved Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of Art of Living Foundation. Meditation, Yogic breathing and Yoga practices have enhanced my life, all priceless gifts.

I am an interior designer that’s NOT working for a firm right now. I received my BA from the Art Institute of Colorado in 2006. I have been an independent contractor most of my adult life. Right now I am a personal assistant to a philanthropist and to two doctors (married). I manage the Philanthropist’s estate in Austin, her Ranch in Llano and certain aspects of her private life. The two doctors I manage their private residence in Austin and handle all their personal affairs.I am also a gifted chef and cook regularly for my clients.
I also just got my motorcycle license and have been riding my bike instead of driving. My new interest is sport bikes and racing.


Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
 I prefer more serious ancient spiritual and religious texts. Some examples are: The Vedas, Holy Koran, Old Testament, Bhagavad Gita, Yoga Vashishta, anything on the life of Siddhartha Gautama (Lord Buddha)
I normally don’t watch TV. If I do I watch CNN or a special program. An example of this is the royal wedding that will be aired April 29.
I prefer specific Sanskrit chanting (bajans) like Vikram Harza or Bhanu Didi. I also like 70’s music that I grew up with that’s comforting. I like Jonny Rodriguez (very Texas, very 70’s) Hank Williams Sr, I’m also enamored with Robert Plant. (very sexy), Bellamy Brothers, classic country.
I prefer local, fresh organic foods. I have been 100% organic for almost 20 years. My diet is more Paleolithic which means my foods reflects what a caveman/cavewoman would have consumed. Organic meat, raw vegtables, nuts, seeds, low glycemic in season fruit. I have many food allergies and sensitivities which include gluten, dairy, eggs, peanuts, black walnuts. I also don’t eat out EVER in restaurants. I don’t consume anything that has touched plastic nor do I consume anything made from tap water.

The six things I could never do without
Besides my spiritual practices and devotion to my Guru the six worldly things are:
#1. Loose leaf white tea
#2. Clean, filtered water
#3. My plant based supplements
#4. My S-2000 (the love of my life)
#5. My young living essential oils
#6. My bio identical hormone cream

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have 2 tattoos. I was gothic between age of 16-20. During that time I made the only mistake in my life and completely flawed my body with 2 tattoos. So, you have to be ok with me having them. It was an important part of my life and very symbolic of my journey through this life. I am very skilled at not letting them show. 90% of people in my life don’t even know I have them.

You should message me if
If you have passed the qualifications listed above and you are SERIOUS about a mature relationship.

Just wrong

The Character of Cheryl (Cherry) Blossom was introduced to Riverdale to spice things up, I guess. This is the cover story, but it seems obvious that she was added to introduce SEX to Riverdale.
Cherry Blossom is a walking double-entendre. She exudes sexual-tension. That's why the character, and gags like this work. But... look at the face of Archie's mother:

That is the face of a horny middle-aged mother. Chery Blossom has such powers that she has hypnotized Mrs. Andrews. Mrs. Andrews sees the sex that Cherry exudes and wants her son to get laid. That is the basis of the gag.
But if we really think about it, this is not a new thing. Where have we seen a sexy Cherry Before?

That's right Larry Welz' famous underground spoof. It was a takeoff on the piety of Riverdale that was filled with hardcore sex.
By adding the character of Cherry Blossom it's like Archie comics has somehow broken the fourth wall. A fourth wall that leads into a strip club. I for one am happy!

To the future, and beyond!

If you had any doubt that Archie and the gang would outlive both you and your grandchildren, put those fears to rest. Archie will be with us always!

In a strange utopian future based on a suburbanite dad's view of punks as future people, Mister Weatherbee is "stayin alive", or something. Oh, it's a scavenger hunt for 20th century items. I sure hope mullets and late-80's mall-hair are on the list. That would be an easy one!

One thing is still constant though, Reggie is still a sociopath. Along with the equally killable future-Veronica they set out to make life miserable for Jughead. Luckilly they have a bulky K-tel "map" that will lead them to the items in question. Glad to see K-tel is back in business so many years from the demise of the 8-track tape. By the way, why the fuck are these two rich kids even bothering with this? Shouldn't they be out drunk-driving, or fucking in a pile of money or something? I would be!

Is it really a scavenger hunt if you have a map that tells you where everything is? Jughead looks rather dashing in his black tights and Star-Trek top, and Archie's tribute to Ace Frehley is half-assed, but interesting still. The way they are mincing along I'd think they were gay, except for Archie's brown slacks. Really Archie? Brown slacks with a blue top? It;s the year 3000 and you still dress like an asshole?

I can't even follow the story for the horrible "artwork". The last time I saw figures this stiff I was at the Mummy section of the museum.
Poor Big Ethel. Science has gone so far as to create a Six-headed Psychedelic Venus Flytrap, but it still can do nothing for her face. Perhaps dentistry was sacrificed to may way for K-tel map technology.

Our story ends with some weird furry shit going down. I can't be bothered to read it. Did you know I just sold 100 Archie Digests on eBay? I hadn't even read them.

Logic

Can anybody explain this to me?

 
The school administration has approved the construction of an emergency box which contains a hamburger. This lad obviously has a tapeworm or other parasite. Why is he not receiving medical attention?
        Aside from that I'd like to know how long that hamburger has been in there. Other questions include but are not limited to:
-Why does he not just have a free pass to the cafeteria?
-Why not just let him carry emergency rations?
-Is the hamburger in a sterile or cold environment?
-How does he keep glass shards out of the burger when he shatters the cover?
-Does no one notice the poor bastard standing alone in the hallway, between classes?

They seem to car less for students in Riverdale than they do in the inner city!
'
      

Archie, or Escher?

Every Archie comic since 1970 has had terrible visual perspectives on show in every panel. Personally I decided not to try mainstream comics when I started, because my perspectives were weak. I was wrong. My perspectives were weak, but not as weak as this:

 

Looks almost reasonable. It appears that they are on a hill loking downward at Archie. But lets find the vanishing point:

It's located conveniently in Veronica's underwear. That hill should continue up to the horizon. Either that or that fence on the left should wrap itself downward toward the line. This one's not too bad, but let's try another:

See anything amiss? Well Lets add the horizon line:

Using the bedside table as as guide we find the horizon running right through Betty's sternum. I've measured Betty's segments and she is 5.5 inches high. If she were to stand up at the foot of the bed her head would touch the ceiling! Not only is she a giantess, but if we were to follow the lines out along the edge of the room until they would accomodate Veronicas prescence in the room, then Betty's middle-class room would be the size of a tractor-trailer.

If only I had known. I could have been working for Archie now!.

Real life

I often want to ask younger people who are pecking away on their I-phones, "Who is your favorite Musician, actor, sports figure (Etc)? Did it ever occur to you that they are cool because they actually, y'know, do stuff? Whereas all you do is stumble around looking at a fucking phone?"

Kickass!

Just got this great letter in my Flickrmail. It makes it all worth it:

On 14 Apr 11, 4.29PM CDT jquebc said:
Apologies for mithering you but you know you don't get round to thanking people for making your life that much more tolerable.

Back in the early 90s I was finishing up school in the northwest of England and managing to get my hands on your Tad Martin series. By 1992 I was driving coast to coast in the US with a friend - Martin - looked a lot like Tad. We did crank with the inventor of the infinity mirror in his Greyhound bus home at 8am in a truck stop in Mobile. Martin said, we've made it - we're in the States. We were 18. We stayed with punks in Lawrence, Kansas, whilst I pined to go knock on W.S.Burroughs' door - Martin crashed the car (our home) whilst I listened to Ginsberg read Blake in Austin. The stationwagon eventually died on the freeway, driving South from Vancouver. Bussed it to San Francisco and scored some acid on Telegraph in Berkeley - hid out in the cinema watching My Cousin Vinny - the judge (Hermann Munster) appeared to be my recently dead grandad. Green Day made us a farewell cake. They'll be big, I told Martin, but they're a bit shit.

I got into Yummy Fur and Jim and Eightball and Jizz, but it was Tad Martin and Tomkin's Trailer Trash that felt most close to home. Since my life has moved from one abject disappointment to the next, I wouldn't dare thank you for making me into the successful 21st century cut-and-thrust business bastard that I'm clearly not - I try and help troublemakers sustain their council house tenancies, or I get them evicted - what you did was define a certain point in my life and for that I'm truly grateful.

I wanted to let you know. Far away from where you are now, I think about you. May you be granted with inner, spiritual peace, 47 celestial virgins, a donkey, a crown and a tankard overflowing with foamy beer.

Cheers, pal.

-Jon