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Copyright Al Frank.

Just good advice

Marketing is everything

Sorry, but why would I want a 43-year old "female". Unless they are talking about 43 year-old female elephants or turtles. Those are pretty cool. 43 year-old human females are... well, you know.

Alright, since I am 43 a rich "Cougar" would be between 53 and 63 years old. Again, no thank you.

Jesus, 5'8"? I'm a fucking pitiable midget! Oh wait, the average height of an American Male is 5'9".

This statistic for the average height for an adult male is from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) conducted from 1999-2002. 

Judging from the number of lab-grown 7-foot professional athletes we have, I'd say there were a whole gang of tiny motherfuckers to balance this number out.

Short, old and broke. Damn, I didn't realize I was so fucking pathetic...

As short and old and broke as I am I guess the only way to get a date is to hypnotize a bitch! Oy, what a world!

Found on Craigslist Missed Connections

austin craigslist > personals > missed connections

Re: grabbed my ass on sixth and congress - w4m - 23 (6th and congress) - m4w - 33

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Can you be more specific? What were you wearing?

Your mom

Stand back!

Seperated at birth?

Perhaps it's my unique set of interests that allowed me to make the connection but I think we can all agree that:

 

The "Dirtiest Girl" in porn; Belladonna, looks a lot like-

A young Rosa Parks.

Irony

I was watching a television show called Wild West Tech, which was on the History Channel. The episode was narrated and included vignettes by David Carradine.

Why was this guy ever a "star"?

What was so interesting about the show was not the "tech" itself, but how many times the script called for Carradine to mention porn. In a segment about old-west saloons that featured gimmicks like stereoscopes or early film loop machines that featured dancing girls, David made the statement, "Porn theaters have come a long way!"

Why was that in the script? Has the average viewer ever been in a porn theater? Did Carradine write the vignettes? There was later a segment about (I'm serious) early sex-toys and gadgets. Which was about the time I wandered away from the screen.

One thing I saw before losing interest was a segment about old-West executions. In the introductory vignette Carradine stands in front of an old Saloon holding a noose and making reference to a "necktie-party".

Did Carradine's family overlook this particular episode? Or perhaps the residuals that come in from the episode are worth the embarrassment.

Less than 99 Cent? Sounds like a bargain to me!

Well, at least she posted a full-body shot.

You know how they say about fat girls, "Oh, she's got such a pretty face..."? I think this can be considered entrapment, to be seeing this on webcam:

And then find yourself on a date with this:

She lists her body-type as "a few extra pounds". I consider that to be false advertising.

Banner day

BBW, now in average-size!

Maybe it means "Big-Breasted-Women". 

Tip #1: Shave real close. Tip #2: Tuck your dick.

It's true. No one else but "outlaw fitness experts" will recommend

anabolic steroids.

Sweet Jesus, am I really so old that advertisers lump me in with these people? Why have

they forced me to picture this guy looking for an "intimate encounter"? That's not right.