Okcupid is a popular dating site. It is well put together, easy to maneuver and free. It is also filled with crazy women. For some reason the only women who respond to my messages are nuts. The following is the series of messages between myself and such a woman. She starts out okay, but after a few messages she goes off the rails. I will notate the point where she loses it. Her responses are in red. For maximum effect, read what she says out loud:
relaxed1970 was successfully blocked!
Jul 25, 2011 – 9:53pm Hi, my name is Al. I'm an underground cartoonist/artist/humorist and overground janitor. I feel very Urban when I go to the corner store to buy malt liquor on the weekends. I have started a school of thought/being called "Monstafari".
I love bad tv and movies. Let's get coffee and talk about Walker Texas Ranger.
I love bad tv and movies. Let's get coffee and talk about Walker Texas Ranger.
- Jul 29, 2011 – 2:33pm
So what could be worse than Walker Txas Ranger? Where do you usually go for the java heebie-jeebies? I'm South so I either hit Jo's on Soco (for the patio) or else Summermoon on South First, for the coffee. Summermoon's got the wood-fired beans. Yum.
- Jul 29, 2011 – 8:29pm
being locked in a cell with an emotionally co-dependent individual that talks about how fabulous they are...while not listening, projecting, taking things personally and blaming you for not responding correctly....hmmm....now that I'm thinkin of it, yeah I probably could sit thru an episode of wtr....lol. I'm actually not in austin. you can name the spot and I'll find it. I love my coffee strong and burnt doesn't count. Can't do it this weekend but perhaps next if that works for you????
Jul 29, 2011 – 9:26pm
Sounds like fun. Let's hit Jo's next weekend! I'll allow you to sit by me as I'm being fabulous... did you say something?
- Jul 29, 2011 – 9:41pm
How do you bathe fleas?
Can I have your email address in case you decide Okcupid has disappointed to much?
- Jul 29, 2011 – 9:58pm
I've been told that dipping them works, but being brunette i kinda have problems with being a dip...however sometime i can pull it off.
on the email address...no. my trust is earned, not randomly given anymore. perhaps in time. In the future with me ask directly and try not to follow it up with your assumptions of who I am. I never have liked nose rings. So although you are incredibly accurate, not totally appreciated (debating between my strength of identifying control issues or my inability to appreciate unconditionally?) tough choice. lol. okay so...the big question??? are you going to take my boundaries personally or can i offer a discount on running sneakers? I'm happy to help either way. yeah see getting to know me first might be beneficial. lol. aurrggghh (my pirate laugh)
- Jul 30, 2011 – 12:15am
Quite understandable. Luckilly I am a man so mostly I just wind up with emotional damage. But it makes for good comix stories!
(The weirdness starts here)
- Jul 30, 2011 – 12:38am
what do you mean you wind up with emotional damage? i think we all do sweetie. I hope that in getting to know you that I give you the freedom to actually have damage and earn my trust in in my ability to care while you do. We all have damage to our souls, it's how well we acknowledge it with respect and understanding that allows us to overcome it as well as adding a new demension to trust in new relationships.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 1:03am
My emotional damage is a bit unique. Maybe. I go into things realizing that the women I'm with are crazy, and tell myself that I won't get emotionally attached. Unfortunately I fail at my ability to distance my emotions...
One good thing happened with the last one. It taught me to be happy just being alive and by myself.
I wrote a rather humorous story about my first marriage that I'm quite proud of. Would you care to read?
- Jul 30, 2011 – 2:07am
i'd love to. you know the belief that your love can heal is actually a very healthy thought cuz it's true. Sometime we don't like to admit that we don't really know exactly how to do it and we keep trying thinking we will figure it out not realizing that sometimes it takes doing what we don't want to do in order to help. So we get "put" in the areas we don't want to be in, in order to get better at them....just my thoughts on it.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 3:07am
I have (thankfully) put myself in a very laid-back life situation currently. But back then:
http://negro-frankenstein.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-first-marriage.html
- Jul 30, 2011 – 12:33pm
i read your blog sweetie, and if you want a friend, i can be one. So what were "your" lessons? in it. let's see if we connect on that level.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 1:31pm
1) Be happy with yourself and enjoy the moments
2) Don't attempt to find happinss in another person. You won't find it there.
3) You can't save anyone from their self-destructive behavior.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 1:55pm
nice...
1. listen to your heart...it knows far more than you do. lol.
2. give others the respect to listen to theirs
3. play peek a boo with others...what? why? how? when? direct questions promote self discovery and remove illussions and decrease assumptions which in turn adds to understanding while removing judgement.
4. be okay with yes and no, opposites are not a choice...they are a requirement for our own inner peace by being able to give choice.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 2:35pm
Sounds like we've had to learn some different things. In my case listening to the heart is nothing but trouble cause the heart will make you neglect your own health for others.
I suppose it would be strange for 2 different people to have learned the same lessons.
Maybe I meet more stupid people but when I play "peek a boo" I wind up getting frustration. I run into a lot of people that can't explain what they are or do because it's stuff that their families/coaches/etc told them to do and they have yet to question any of it.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 4:22pm
listening to your heart would of made you realize that Ramona was trouble and that warning you got in her initial lie would prevented the added frustration...in this way your heart would of protected you. it was your ego of saying I CAN love her that lead you astray.
peek a boo...is what i did with you. i didn't assume, but instead opened you up to learning, which in turn allowed you the ability to explore your own ideas as well as mine. I merely asked you what you learned first before sharing myself. An exchange that allows you to know who you are and share with you who i am equally for the maximum understanding of each other. Perhaps people don't know who they are because others are not curious about it enough to ask questions. we approach things as needing to be right instead of needing to learn to understand. When we want things the way we want them then we are no longer open. If we accept what is, then there is peace. It is frustrating dealing with people who don't know (being stupid is not knowing or asking) but asking why helps them to understand themselves even if they can't answer it...if asked enough times the repetition will surface the issue. It does help even if results are not immediate. If we insist with our way then we will be introduced to defensive behavior and need to learn to difuse this or accept it. The good news is that defensiveness tells us we are approaching them wrong and that's why it keeps resurfacing. It's only our own abilities and inabilities. So why were you interested in me? what was the thing in my profile that you felt the most connection with?
- Jul 30, 2011 – 4:39pm
I would consider that listening to my brain. My heart is what I was listening to the whole time. The heart is an idiot.
I would disagree that it was ego that kept the relationship going. It was a desire not to hurt her feelings. If anything it was cowardice and a deire to avoid conflict on my part.
If by ego we mean self-centered concern, I'd say it was the opposite. If by ego you mean identifying with the physical form then perhaps,
Don't forget "willful" stupidity in your definition, "being stupid is not knowing or asking". Plenty of people will refuse to think for themselves because it's scary and puts you outside of the group mindset. The group mindset is extremely popular. I'd be willing to say that MOST people are afraid to think for thmselves because of a fear of being placed outside the group mind. This is what makes Authortarianism so popular. It's what explains sports.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 5:54pmyou are very wise. if you puke everytime you eat onions what will you do when presented with onions? if you do not like yourself when you lie, what do you think happens when you lie to yourself? it really matters not what we call it ego, heart or whatever...the outcome is the same. I believe you are a very caring and compassionate person, i do not doubt that. however I wonder if you are aware that compassion and care if done wrong (against yourself) is hurtful to others. Your need to care and be compassionate outweighed the value of self. Your self told you were not attracted but you went against that to not hurt someone. OTHER PEOPLE need to be okay with yes and no too, not just you. by trying to love her or force yourself to love her you don't improve your love you just improve the lie. The self hatred we inflict on ourselves will eventually move outside of us affecting others. So if we do not love ourselves then how do we know how to love others and appreciate them for what they are and what they aren't? i can't love someone that lies about who they are i can only love their lie or perceived perception. real love can not exist under false pretenses. To honestly love we must be honest. just my stupid opinions, nothing ever to be taken personally unless of course you thing they could help.
ps
I hate competitive sports as well. learning to outdo another is not the same as helping another to win. it distorts reality.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 6:03pm
I can agree that yes and no have been problems for me. That's probably a big part of my hermitism. That and not wanting to "earn" peoples love/trust/companionship. One of the worst things in the world is accepting the status quo of dating. It's a big lie. Our American idea of romance is based on fairy-tales and tradidion instead of reality. This leads to hurt feelings all around. I'd rather "romance" a ballpoint. Romance as a flexible and creative thing is beautiful.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 7:47pmyes and no...do you like to be lied to? do you accept the truth?do you like to be manipulated? do you try to sell yourself to others?do you like to listen to sorrow? do you share yours with others?do you like things controlled? do you tell people what they think or who they are? or even possibly assume to know without asking?are you comfortable when others are not? do you want others to suffer when you are?
duality at it's finest...straight to the heart of the matter...you are all that really matters to others. We are no longer seeking our mothers when we wake up. we begin to see ourselves in others and apply it to the best of our abilities. No longer is it you have what i need but can i be what you need and become who i want to be in the bliss of being free. most people do not think for themselves and when they dont they are merely children needing to find the other side of their own reality, in a limited reality, so they can have peace in giving and not the hell of just getting and taking. we share and then there is romance, creative, flexible and willing to rise above for the other's benefit. i still believe, but in myself and not in others. If i recieve from others then i am only blessed, nothing else. I am the same but I am detached from their beliefs, for i own my own.
i love sharing this stuff...thank you for being receptive to it. muah.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 8:13pm
The precursor to all of your above points would be that an individual is self-aware. My point being that the average American is terribly afraid of looking within. In fact, he/she needs to be told what to do in order to feel comfortable. That is why biblical literalism has become so popular. To think, you have a book that tells you exactly what to do in every circumstace, relieves you of all responsibility aside from asking your preacher for the correct interpritation of scripture to suit your current need.
do you like to be lied to? no
do you accept the truth? I try to
do you like to be manipulated? no
do you try to sell yourself to others? Artistically, yes. Also because I believe I know more than others, so my prescence would be beneficial to them.
do you like to listen to sorrow? No
do you share yours with others? Only when packaged with humor
do you like things controlled? I like routine
do you tell people what they think or who they are? Yes
or even possibly assume to know without asking? Of course
are you comfortable when others are not? Yes
do you want others to suffer when you are? No, but I'd like them to understand my point of view - Jul 30, 2011 – 8:14pm
do you want others to suffer when you are? I think I'm too much of a Nihilist in the end for it to truly matter - Jul 30, 2011 – 8:19pm
In a way your statements remind me of the Western Mysticism espoused by Vernon Howard. His books have been a boon to me.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 9:38pmI think your use of big words is a way of protecting yourself. I think you read avidly to discover so that you won't be thought of as stupid and someone has hurt you and made you feel that mistakes are not okay. They are. it's how we learn. trust yourself...you don't need books for that, just friends that support you. You have a good heart and mean well, that is enough. I'm glad i know more about you and we can speak deeply. thank you for accepting me because you know you didn't have to. it's a gift you give to others and i appreciate it. ty
- Jul 30, 2011 – 9:46pm
The words I use are definitely not a defense. They are an example.
- Jul 30, 2011 – 10:45pmokay...it was just an opinion and i don't know you, so who am i? I guess it's my defense for not knowing what alot of them mean. i'm not smart like that and who knows perhaps i don't really know anything at all, except my own perspective. I'm still glad i met you. ty.
- Jul 31, 2011 – 8:52am
I think you get unneccesarrily deep on certain things. Relax! Life is about laughing and avoiding problems.
- Jul 31, 2011 – 9:54amI am deep and continued a conversation with you because I am. if I was shallow, i would of read your blog...laughed and avoided ewe! lol...silly boy tricks are for kids.
- Jul 31, 2011 – 2:19pm
Including the who what where when and why trick?
- Jul 31, 2011 – 2:35pmokay sugar, here's the deal. I have a compassionate side and I'm happy to share it, if you don't like it then go, but don't use who i am to try and belittle me so you can feel smarter. it's selfish, abusive and not appreciated. i tried, that's it. it didn't help and it wasn't appreciated so I'm happy to go. toodles sugar. hope you find what you are looking for.
- Jul 31, 2011 – 2:53pm
I'd like to know how I "belittled" you. I simply remembered what you said and told it back to you. If you think someone is using your compassionate side against you to make you feel stupid, then you either have yet to recover from a bad relationship or else get back on your meds.
I cannot make you feel anything. What you feel is entirely up to you.
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That was the last message. As you can see I lack the ability to just cut the conversation off. I'm busy trying to make sense of psycho-babble.
I'd like to thank my pal Diane for pointing out to me that this woman was out of her head.
5 comments:
no problem, my friend -- that was easy to spot. I really don't think people understand that you speak pretty literally -- you're not being witty/sarcastic re: what you say in your profile. well, okay, a bit witty, but not at ALL facetious.
silly women. we are ALL crazy, though. it's true. a good friend once told me: "all boys are dumb, all girls are crazy. if you can accept that, it's easier." I now believe him.
p.s. the weirdness started with her fucking crazy-ass response to you right above where you wrote "the weirdness starts here."
IIRC, the most helpful thing I did was to tell you how to end this conversation: do not respond to her. I'd like to add: block her crazy ass if you have to. she is toxic to you. yikes. where is her sense of humor? I feel like she's been REALLY hurt and has not recovered much at all yet; and yes, that's me trying to seem empathetic. xo
Its the people that are most afraid of their own mental acumen than accuse me of trying to make them "feel stupid". I could see it if I were to say something like, "Public schol... no wonder you sound like such a fucking moron".
But since that doesn't happen I am a bit confused by their (her) response.
Al, when she said this about you, "I think your use of big words is a way of protecting yourself." she was talking about herself but replace the words 'big words' with psychological eXpressions.
"I think your use of psychological eXpressions is a way of protecting yourself." you could say to her.
I agree she takes things too seriously. I don't think she is nuts but she would be sorta menatally, slovenly and probably airy fairy, new agey, boring after all the effort.
I can just imagine the expression of interest on my face slowly falling as we talked during a coffee-date.
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