Why Archie? Why?

Remember Archie comics? Yeah, I thought I did too. I still see them at the check out counters' magazine racks, which means they're still going strong despite the double-digests being around five dollars each. Too rich for my blood but I recently managed to snag a huge lot of 144 Digests and Double-Digests from eBay for 85 dollars.

 See that look on Archie's face? Do you think he's concerned about Pop Tate's sweaty 1950's style man-apron? Do you think that look is warranted by his friend's billy-goat antics? No. Obviously he just realized how poorly he's drawn. With that blocky-body, tiny ears and infant-like jawline I'd say he definitely has reason for concern.

 This particular issue is copyright 2005 and like most things artistic, craft and ability have flown out the window in the modern age. This story alone required 3 editors to hold it together. Why would a 6-page story require 3 editors?

 Good question, considering that between the three of them they couldn't catch a glaring spelling error right on the splash page. What makes it worse is the fact that digests are made up of material that spans 60 years. So you get to judge the "art" above against art by people that actually took pride in what they did, like in this example.

 Ahhh, that's refreshing, like a palate-cleanser. Unfortunately all good things in this digest (and all the 2000-on digests) are severely limited.

 Did people ever dress like this? Was I in a coma for some period of gay-fashion? Fashion is always tricky if you are picking through the bones of the past. Just ask the proprietor of the "Surf's up".

 Jeesus Christ, look at that Mullet. And he looks just like Bono in the face.

 Here's a bonus look from the rear. In a ponytail? Why would you put a Mullet in a ponytail? That's like taking a crippled child and breaking his legs.

 Jughead began a career as a Time-cop in the 2000's. His partner? A descendant of his bff Archie.

 Perhaps the Bush-era of homophobia had the Archie comics writers thinking that Jughead shouldn't be such a... bachelor. I don't think that a love-interest that looks like your best friend in drag is the way to go. Who thought that idea was sane?

 Here's what I mean about the crucifixion of art. Do you see that top panel? Where is the vanishing point supposed to be? Where is the horizon-line? Are they supposed to be driving one of those miniature Shriner-cars? That top panel alone would give Sherlock Holmes a stroke.

I leave you with this page. There's not much to say here. Obviously they stole this story out of some High-school Freshman's notebook. I'll hold my judgement until the litigation is over.