This thing called Language

Saw an interesting listing in eBay for a gaff severed hand:

Which was cool in itself, but what really caught my eye was the request the seller placed in the text of the listing:

ATTENTION EBAY-PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE THIS LISTING,THIS IS NOT A REAL BODY PART,IT IS A MAN-MADE PROP.A SIDESHOW GAFF.

Evidently the seller has had some problems with eBay's rather Puritan tastes. I felt for the seller because I've had listings pulled myself (mostly human skulls) because other eBayers found such items to be "offensive".
I thought I'd write the seller a note of support:


Dear 131sherry,

Hope you can keep your listing up. From my experience eBay will repeatedly remove listings as long as people complain. Some people are probably upset or "offended" by the idea of this auction. Keep the faith!

- alberto_mysterio

Seemed to me pretty cut and dry, but within an hour I had received the following response:

Dear alberto_mysterio,

OH MY LISTING IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE,I AM A MEMBER OF EBAYS VERO PROGRAM AND BEEN A MEMBER FOR MANY YEARS,EBAY KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT THE ART IS,ITS AN ODDITY,GO AHEAD AND COMPLAIN,THATS YOUR RIGHT.WHAT I SELL IS A LATEX HAND,ONLY THE STUPID ARE OFFENDED.IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT YOU SEE,LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE ON EBAY,THEY HAVE LOTS OF OTHER STUFF,GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR COMPLAINING BY THE WAY.....THIS IS AMERICA....ITS CALLED FREEDOM.. LOOK INTO IT...I ASSURE YOU I WILL BE ON EBAY LONG AFTER THE COMPLAINING IS DONE...

- 131sherry

Now, perhaps I put too much faith in my ability to convey a simple message. Perhaps I put too much faith in the belief that if a person had enough brains to successfully post a listing then they must have a basic grasp of English. Should I break it down for you? Okay:

Hope you can keep your listing up: Not "Good luck keeping your listing up, PAL". Pretty clear message.

From my experience eBay will repeatedly remove listings as long as people complain.: The "people" is a dead giveaway here. I wasn't referring to myself. I usually never refer to myself as "people".


Keep the faith!: Okay, this is a dead giveaway that I was attempting to be supportive. 


Pretty clear message, I thought. I mean, English is my mother tongue. 
On the other hand:



OH MY LISTING IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE: This was a bit of a red flag. Anytime someone types in all-caps I immediately picture a 16 year-old girl who is telling her mother, "I'M GOING TO SEE HIM AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT WILL STOP THAT! NOTHING! I LOVE HIM! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" etc. The words themselves were only slightly confusing in their tone.


I AM A MEMBER OF EBAYS VERO PROGRAM AND BEEN A MEMBER FOR MANY YEARS,: Good for you. I'm glad things are workin-

EBAY KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT THE ART IS,ITS AN ODDITY,GO AHEAD AND COMPLAIN,THATS YOUR RIGHT.: What? Wait I wasn't sayin-


WHAT I SELL IS A LATEX HAND,ONLY THE STUPID ARE OFFENDED.IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT YOU SEE,LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE ON EBAY,THEY HAVE LOTS OF OTHER STUFF,: No , wait a second I just-


GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR COMPLAINING BY THE WAY.....: But I don't want to compl-


THIS IS AMERICA....ITS CALLED FREEDOM.. LOOK INTO IT...I ASSURE YOU I WILL BE ON EBAY LONG AFTER THE COMPLAINING IS DONE...: Fuck it. 
Anybody that feels the need to insert that OO-RAH America shit into an ebay message is too far gone to talk to anyway.


Kinda makes me glad I took the thing off my watched item list before I got this so I wouldn't feel petty for taking it off now.
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***UPDATE*** 8/5/2011
Received the following in today's mail, back-to-back.


Dear alberto_mysterio,

THANKS FOR THE FREE ADVERTISING..IN ALL CAPS...LOL..AMERICA RULES

- 131sherry

Dear alberto_mysterio,

NO THANKS,NOT INTERESTED IN GOING BACK TO YOUR "BLOG" AND HERE YOU CRY AND WHINE...GET A LIFE DUDE AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT - YOUR NOW BLOCKED FROM MY MESSAGE BOARD AND MY EBAY....WHAT A LOSER

- 131sherry